So you don't think I'm addicted to Lortab then?... Can I have some more??

Yesterday I had my what is now my every 3 weeks routine; an infusion of anti-cancer drugs. I was looking forward to talking to Dr. Johnson. For the past couple of weeks I have been in pain... a strange type of pain I haven't felt before. It would wake me at night, stop me during the day and make me really crabby. It is like a throbbing, flu type ache in my legs and sometimes my arms too. If upon waking in the morning my Lortab had worn off and I was in pain it was difficult to walk. I was baffled and frightened.

I also noticed that my Lortab didn't last as long as before. It used to be that I only had to lick a Lortab and my pain would go away... okay maybe not quite that. But a year ago 1/4 of a Lortab 10 would have me pain free. Even free of that February 13th, 4 p.m. kind of pain that only a florist knows. While I was on chemo my need jumped from that to first 1/2 and then a whole pill to rid me of the pain. Then when I was in the hospital it jumped to 2 whole pills with supplementation for breakthrough pain...

After my surgery I was on 2 Lortab 10 every 6 hours. When I tried to taper off to 1 pill every 6 hours the problem began. I figured it's been over a month since the surgery now; I should be able to do without painkillers. My rationalization was backed up by the fact that I had exhausted my perscription from Dr. Goff weeks ago. I was using some from an early prescription from another Doctor. So you see... I started to think I was a Lortab addict.

I knew it wasn't cancer pain; and it wasn't localized... wtf? I also knew I was miserable and yesterday morning at 5 a.m. I took my last Lortab on a no longer refillable prescription. Slight panic set in...okay more than slight.. kind of huge panic.. Naturally I searched the 'net for withdrawl symptoms etc. I'm starting to think I'm going down the Rush Limbaugh path....

So I ask Dr. Johnson about all this and describe my pain. He says "I think you are just trying to wean off it too fast". whew. So then I ask if I can "have another presciption?" Oh so you don't think I'm addicted? Great! Can I have some more??? Sort of funny... but I was very relieved when he said "yes". He also suggested another non-narcotic pain killer to slowly change over to that I can take for a longer period of time if necessary. And so far it's all working well.

My tumor markers remain in the normal range and the dead tumor in my breast is shrinking! And I have learned that pain killers are not such a bad thing if you use them correctly... I'm not so afraid of them anymore Ahhhh.. only 2 more hours and I can take another......

Poets

Jungle Roses often gets orders from "famous" people; actors, athletes, and the occasional rock star. We fill an unusual niche' in the marketplace.

But recently an order came through that really got my attention. We received an order from Maya Angelou. We had sent roses to her in the past from a few of our famous clients, but this was the first time she had ordered herself. She sent them to someone else notable; but the fact that she ordered herself really got me.

I gleefully mentioned it to a few people and got met with a blank stare... they could not remember who she was or why she was a big deal. I explained, "poet, author, Bill Clinton, amazing woman..." (insert the sound of crickets chirping). One of my business associates admitted to googling her to see who she was.. "oh yeah..., that's cool".. was the reply. I said, "Look even her message card is a beautiful phrase of poetry!"

I suppose maybe you have to be a bookish nerd like me and my friends to be overwhelmed by such a thing. I recall a story about someone in our circle of friends who was working at a UPS shipping facility a few years ago. She got assigned the task of packing and shipping an antique parking meter to Dr. Angelou. She was so excited that before she packed it she slipped a coin of her own in the meter so that something that was once hers would now be in Dr. Angelou's garden, or house or wherever the meter was destined for... she also had some explaining to do about why her package was "ticking" as it waited for pick up.

So I wish to give a big thank you to Dr. Angelou for making my day. There is a group of women here in Utah that you have inspired. I'm honored to have served you.

I think it's about time for another President to pick a poet Laureate. Are you listening President Elect Obama? I read that she is already writing one... but in true humble form doesn't expect to be asked. I think it would be great if she was..

Happy Halloween!

After taking my son on our version of "trick or treating" Halloween night; I took him out to dinner. We left a bowl of candy on the doorstep and slipped away at about the time the visits from neighborhood kids were winding down. My son refuses to go trick or treating in the neighborhood because he hates dogs. I think every house in our neighborhood except us has a dog that is about eye level with him and most are not all that well trained. You can be guaranteed a greeting of vicious barking in your face upon knocking on any door around here. Instead we visited a local store that offered trick or treating throughout. That was fun.

As we were eating dinner I have to admit looking at him and thinking "geez; I amost wasn't here for this Halloween... what if I'm not here for the next one?" That's truly frightening. I hope that eventually those kind of thoughts go away.. that next year I'll not even think it, and the year after that and after that... it's a sobering thought. I'm looking forward to that day when I will forget that I had cancer. I wonder if that ever happens?

For some unknown reason my son has started talking about us "becoming angels at the same time". I have no idea why he suddenly started this line of conversation. Out of the blue he started telling me and a few other people; that "Mom and I will become angels at the same time and we will go to the same place together..." Whoa. I know my being in the hospital was scary for him. He definitely associates hospital stays with death. Perhaps this is some way for him to comfort himself that he won't be here alone? I don't know, but it's hard to hear and even harder to respond to...??? I hope that goes away soon too.

On a brighter note; my public blog is getting good response. We sold our first "Pink in the Jungle" package. And I formed a "partnership" with the Huntsman Cancer Foundation. All of my profits from the Pink in the Jungle Package will go to them and will be directed to breast cancer research. They are sending me brochures I can include in the packages if I want and also letting me put their logo on our website. That's cool. I'm looking for more ways to promote it. Due to a few technical glitches I sort of missed out on the October breast cancer month blitz. Ah well.... next year we will be well positioned.

Check out the Halloween photo. Here is a first glimpse of my post-chemo hair! It's been about 3 months now I think.... it came in a lot, lot grayer and it seems to be a lot straighter too. I'm getting used to it. I still wear hats a lot because my ears get cold... and my neck. I'll be buying turtle necks and scarves this winter!