cool hair and good news!

This is how my hair looks in the back. It has fallen out exactly where the radiation beams zoomed accross the back of my head. Kinda cool I think. But now it is falling out pretty much all over so it doesn't look quite so cool. I also have a sunburned forhead that looks strange. It stops in a straight line right above my eyebrows. But no body seems to notice that when I have a hat or scarf on; probably looks like I had a chemical peel or something.






My good news is that I do not have to have more chemo! I'm so thrilled. I thought I was in for a long, miserable summer. But instead I now intend to have a really fun one and make it as fun and memorable for my son as I can. Dr. Johnson said the tumor/mass in my breast wasn't there anymore. It has moved out. Evicted. gone. I'm changing the locks; it won't be back.

You don't need to poke me with a fork....I know I'm done :-)

Yesterday afternoon I had my last whole brain radiation treatment. It seems like a very weird dream. You know those kind where you are half awake and half asleep? I cannot believe I did that. Of course then I see my hair dropping off and reality hits. They gave me my mask as a "souviener". Not sure what to do with it. I think I'll hide it for a few years and then one day make it into a piece of art for my office... or my house... either would be weirdly cool. It's a little too scary to just have laying around now and I get a tiny bit nauseated when I see it... lol. It may reside in the Garage for awhile.


Now I just wait and recover for the next 6 weeks. Then I will have another MRI to see how much disappeared and make plans for the gamma knife if necessary. It will be up to Dr. Johnson if I do chemo again. They can schedule gamma knife during chemo, so it might be both at the same time.

I'm actually feeling better than I have in the past few weeks. I still have the worlds worst sore throat, but the liquid lortab helps and I wasn't as tired yesterday. I'm hoping for a fast recovery. The hair is different; when my hair fell out from chemo, my scalp would be a little tender and then it would go. That would happen after each chemo infusion. This stuff hurts. Yes, what hair I have left hurts. lol. It hurst to wash, hurts to touch. Doc said that goes away when it all falls out. Great; now I'm hoping my hair falls out...my how cancer changes a girl.




Me and one of the techs about to start my last treatment.




I look so happy because this is after my last treatment. Cool mask eh?

just don't sneeze...

I'm now down to my last 3 treatments! 3! three! I'm so glad this part is almost over. And now it hurts. I have the worst sore throat; like one you can't even imagine. The Doctor said it was "treatment" related and due to the radiation. So I'm doing anything to dull the pain. They gave me liquid lortab...wow. It works for a little while. Ice chips, candy, yogurt... anything helps for a few minutes.

But then yesterday morning.... I sneezed. OMG. That was the worst. It felt like my throat got turned inside out. I felt like one of those cartoons where someone eats surpise super devil hot sauce and fire comes out of their mouth and ears.........there were tears. I have to make sure I do not sneeze again! That's self control right? So if I think I'm going to sneeze I'm going to try and hypnotize myself out of it....

Meanwhile; I'm super happy with my nutitionist who gave me a heart-healthy diet to follow. I'm doing it now. Of course he came in with the "just don't throw up" thing and I understand why, but I told him I didn't just want to be "stable"; I wanted to be better. He took everything I said into account and then threw out the papers he had orginally brought for me. Instead he emailed me a complete diet plan with sample menus and all. He said he will continue working with me after my treatments so I can meet my goals and use the diet to help prevent a reoccurrence. Yes!

We have a new babysitter/nanny starting today. Yeah I know.. I've lost count. She seems really perfect though; and my son really liked her. I'm hoping she can play and entertain and help teach him though this summer. I know it's going to be sort of long summer for me, but I'm determined to make it as fun for him as possible. Right now he has plans to build a huge K'nex roller coaster that takes up our whole living room. I'm bidding on the pieces on ebay now, and I'm going to let him do just that.

Half way...

Yesterday I reached the half-way milestone in my radiation treatments. This is good. It's not fun, but not as horrid as I thought it might be... at least not yet...lol. I know that they say side effects can kick in further down the road. But for now it's okay. I would say a little easier than chemo. With chemo you know you will be really sick for like a week and then sort of rebound to functioning again. So you know what to expect. This has the unexpecteds, but not the immediate feeling of "ouch" that the chemo does.

The treatments are short; but wow... I will never forget that smell or somewhat skin burning feeling as those blasts of light go through. Unreal. It feels so "outer space". I'm sure if you are kidnapped by Aliens they have such a machine...

I made a mistake though... egads. I had felt those side effects and that coupled with some well-placed "you could have this happen...." type of comments from others who didn't mean to scare me; I over did the steriods hoping to avoid worse side effects. So I made myself steroid sick. Not good. Instead of staying at the minimum like suggested to me by the doc; I kept upping until I was at the max thinking I needed to in order to avoid losing my balance or ability to speak...... NO... didn't need it.

So I've been cutting back on them as suggested and I feel a lot, lot better. Effects not worse and according to the doc are probably from the treatment itself and not some "giant tumor try to strangle your brain stem..." thanks.

My son is so mad at me. The last week has been rough. We talked about it. He is mad that I am sick again, he is mad that I have to go get "medicine" every day, he is mad that I was so well and fun and now it's ruined. It's hard. His big-time temper is coming out in every way. And I don't blame him. I'm pissed off too. He battles for my attention and doesn't want me to leave his side. I know we will get through it, but whew...

So yesterday on my way back from radiation I stopped at the sporting goods store and bought him boxing gloves, targets, a hanging boxing bag and showed him how to use them. It worked. He loved pummling the targets in my hands and kicking and running at them.... or um.. .me. It's kind of hard for a Mom to say "okay go ahead and learn to fight and hit...as long as I'm safe..." but I don't care anymore. It needs to be. And if one day he is Golden Gloves Champion; I'll be proud.