Why the pain?

wow.. I did not realize so much time has gone by since I wrote on my blog. I've been recovering from Valentine's Day. Really! Recovering in every way. Physically, mentally, fiscally. And I have not been feeling very good. That's not good. I was in a ton of pain and extremely exhausted after Valentine's Day. I thought it would go away in a few days like the Valentine fatigue always does. But it has not.

I had an appointment with Dr. Johnson a week or so ago and got some really good news; my MUGA scan shows my heart to be functioning great now. So I got to go back on herceptin. But that good news added to my dismay; if it isn't my heart making me feel this bad, what is it?
When I explained my pain and tiredness to Dr. Johnson his face fell. Like he just got told he didn't pass a very important test that he was sure he did. The look on his face said a lot. He then asked me some questions about the pain etc. "Is it bone pain?" he says. Hmmmm... I don't know. How would I know? I tell him I think it's mostly muscular because I feel it after exertion. Like I vacumned the living room and then I'm sore for two days. He looks at me like I'm nuts. His fear is that during my time of herceptin cancer started resurrecting and is metastasizing to my bones. Oh crap.

In his way of thinking out loud; he said if so the question would be "was the treatment valid and just stopped to soon? or was it a complete failure?" Oh crap again...
But I said "what about my tumor marker?" "good, normal" he says. So of course I argue "wouldn't it be way up if that was the case"? He says "yes, but also maybe not.." Silent screams are going off in my head. He also points out though that I'm not anemic; patients with bone metasticies are anemic. So he says his plan for now is to put me back on herceptin and see how I am in three weeks and if he feels it necessary he will order a scan to see if indeed the cancer rose from the dead.

I tell him that I think I am just exhausted; you know like the rock stars get and have to go away for a few weeks? He laughs and says he "doesn't believe that exists and that he thinks I work much harder than a rock star."

After all this time I still had high blood pressure, it never went away again. So I went off to Dr. Alsup. He had not seen me in year. There was a lot of shock and awe when I strolled into his office. "Weren't you stage 4?" "Did you have a mastectomy, lumpectomy?" Once they got over the initial "what happened?" He began to prescribe stuff. He's one of those types. "here's a scrip for this, here's one for that, and this..." I came home armed with a new load of medications. Even one made from snake venom. Ha...take that blood pressure.

I've been adjusting to the new meds. It's taking a little time but it's a little better sometimes. I still have some things I need to fix that I'm sure is contributing to my pain. Like a trip to the dentist and the chiropractor would help a lot. I have those scheduled as well as the eye doc.
But even as I have been pinpointing all that; there is unexplained pain; especially around my rib cage. It hurts to breathe deeply, sneezing and yawning are torture.
Researching on the 'net I found there are two types of bone pain; metasitic and non-metasitic. Since I'm not anemic and have normal markers I think it is the latter. If not then I guess it's back to chemo or whatever Dr. Johnson deems necessary.

Today I had a short-lived break from pain. I take as much painkiller as allowed when I need it; which is all the time. But lately it's not taking all the pain away and is only making me feel sort of sick. But finally today after I got done working I sat down in my recliner while my son was building with his K'nex and relaxed and felt no pain! yay. So of course I dozed off.

Maybe 10 minutes went past before I awoke to a horrible banging. My delightful impatient son decided to wake me by banging on the chair. Both me and the cat flew at least a foot in the air. A hiss was heard and a slight scream. "Oh man...why did you do that?" I asked and he says "I wanted you to wake up and help me build". I said "but honey, you build all by yourself, you don't need my help." He says "yes, I know but I really enjoy the company." Sigh. The pain free state so far has lasted into the night. I'm hoping to get some good sleep.