"Let me be clear Londy, it’s still there..."

I had my first "chemo" today without chemo. I know that doesn't make sense but I'm so used to calling it that and I don't know what else to call it. Anti-Cancer drug infusion is just too long...

I received Herceptin and a new one call Zometa. The Zometa is preventative, to make sure I have strong bones. I don’t have any bone problems now; it is to help ensure I don't have them down the road.

And speaking of down the road, sigh, I had an appointment with the lung specialist a week ago. He was running 2 hours behind. So I rescheduled for next week. I also had another painful thorocentisis. And after the pain and effects wore off I only had a couple of days where I was breathing well before I felt the fluid coming back again.

This puzzled me. "If it's the cancer that's causing it, and the cancer is dead; why is it coming back?" ...was the question I posed to Dr. Johnson. I could tell this sort of threw him for a minute. Maybe he was surprised by the question; maybe he was fearful that I wouldn't go as aggressively after treatment... I don't know. But his answer, and the seriousness with which he said it, knocked me down several rungs on the happiness ladder. As he turned, adjusted his glasses and gave me a stern look, much like the high-school principal explaining to me how "everyone has to follow the rules," he says, "Let me be clear Londy, it's still there." Feel the air going out of the balloon... deflating... ah... shit. Oh yeah... I know.

So in my usual debater mode I say, "oh yeah I know, but it's not active. It's not seeking residence in other areas of my body, so how come?" He says, "yes, you are right, it stands to reason that it would not create fluid there again, but I think you should still have the procedure done to prevent it... we are giving you the best drugs there are, to give you the longest and best quality of life we can, but it's still there." Deflate, deflate. Shit. It feels like that time I was told the attendance policy applied to me like it did everyone else, and even though I had straight A's, I still had to go to class.

Bummer. I know that. Okay... will do. On the upside; he told me I am free to diet now as long as I only lose about a pound a week. And exercise is okay; but he doesn't want me to do anything too aerobic until the lung issue is properly addressed. All good. BTW; he listened to my lungs and said it sounded like maybe a tiny diminishment of capacity on my one lung, but actually, rather good. Maybe I'm not used to using my full capacity? It will all be for the lung specialist to address next week.

My infusion only took an hour. But it left me very, very sleepy and unable to concentrate. I tried to do some things after I got home and it was just a comedy. Before I had the steroids to pump me up before the treatment and then they would give me Benadryl during it. One counteracted the other. This time I only got the huge dose of Benadryl... wow... like being drunk. but not any fun. It felt weird. But as I was told; Herceptin has few, if any, side effects. So once the Benadryl wears off I should be doing good.

We picked up the new nanny last night. She is so far—amazing. I think this is going to work. My son really likes her and she has clicked in with his mind and playfulness... it's perfect. Hopefully with her help I can get things more back to "normal." Whatever "normal" is going to be for us now.

Yeah... normal. Sounds good eh?